Baldrick Through the Ages Trivia Quiz

Answer: At a banquet

Edmund's father, Richard, has just introduced him to Richard III. Edmund points out to Percy that the king has picked him out for special greeting, and Percy denies seeing it. Baldrick says, "I saw it my lord." Blackadder then invites Baldrick to be his squire for the battle the next day, invoking the beginning of a long, if somewhat abusive, friendship.

Answer: Take him outside, stick his head down a cannon, and fire it

Edmund is very angry with McAngus for taking his only lands, and swears that he's going to kill him. Baldrick suggests giving him a tour of the grounds, including the cannons, getting him to stick his head down one, and then blasting him away. Although Edmund initially rejects this idea, he uses it at the very end of the episode for getting rid of the pesky Scotsman.

Answer: Blessings

When Edmund asks him how he can make a little money out of his appointment to Archbishop, Baldrick says that "the four main profit areas are curses, pardons, relics, and selling the sexual favors of nuns." The pardons go from a pardon for chewing with your mouth full, to a pardon for anything whatsoever, including murder, adultery, or dismemberment of a close friend or relative.

The curses start with "Dear Enemy: I curse you, and hope that something slightly unpleasant happens to you, like an onion falling on your head" and go to "Dear Enemy: may the Lord hate you and all your kind, may you be turned orange in hue, and may your head fall off at an awkward moment."

Answer: Infanta Maria of Spain

After many plots to avoid Blackadder's marriage to the Infanta, including Blackadder marrying a Mrs. Tully Appleblossom, Edmund realizes that they couldn't get married if the Infanta wasn't a virgin. He then forces Baldrick to have his way with her, under the guise that Baldrick is Edmund.

When Edmund and Percy report the news to the king, however, they discover that the Infanta wasn't a virgin in the first place. Poor Baldrick!

Answer: Bridesmaid

'Bells' is the episode in which Edmund and Kate, alias Bob, plan to marry. Because Kate's family was too poor to afford friends, Kate has to use Baldrick as a bridesmaid. Kate tells him that he looks "as sweet as a little pie", to which Edmund replies "Kate, he looks like what he is, a dungball in a dress".

When Kate runs away with the best man, Baldrick says that he is prepared to step in as the bride, in accordance with the tradition.

Answer: Add

The episode starts with Blackadder trying to teach Baldrick to add by using beans. When he asks Baldrick what two beans and two beans are, Baldrick replies with such answers as "A very small casserole", "Three and that one", and "Some beans." Although he later gets the concept of "advanced" mathematics, by then the conversation has moved onto the topic of Percy's enormous ruff.

Answer: Discover the secrets of alchemy and make gold

In 'Money', Blackadder owes a thousand pounds to the order of the Black Monks of St. Herod, and if he doesn't repay the money, lets just say that something very unpleasant will happen involving a spike. Blackadder asks Baldrick what he should do, get murdered or raise a thousand pounds by that evening, and Baldrick replies, "That's obvious. Get murdered." Later, when he is presumably in a more creative mood, Baldrick suggests that he go down to the docks and offer his favors to sailors. Blackadder alters the plan slightly, with Baldrick's virtue being the item for sale.

They go down to the docks and, Baldrick does the "favor" for a sailor named Arthur for a grand total of sixpence. He then comes up with the idea of dressing up a mad killer bull as a bird in a cockfight, making it look odd, so that no one will bet on it, and collect a thousand pounds at odds of 40,000 to 1.

Although the idea of discovering Alchemy is suggested, it is Percy who suggests it, and he only manages in discovering a disgusting looking substance called green.

Answer: It's just a turnip

Blackadder's aunt and uncle, Lord and Lady Whiteadder, are coming to visit. They are "puritan vegetable folk", so Baldrick must prepare a dish with no meat. When informed this, Baldrick states that he shall prepare his Turnip Surprise. Edmund asks what the surprise is, and Baldrick replies, "There's nothing in it but the turnip." Later on, much laughter ensues when Percy and Baldrick find a turnip which is the exact same shape as a thingy.

Answer: Sod off

Blackadder asks Baldrick what his first name is, so that he can put it on Baldrick's MP application form. Baldrick replies, "I'm not sure. It might be 'Sod off'. Edmund asks what he means, and Baldrick says, "Well, when I used to play in the gutter, I used to say to the other snipes, 'Hello, my name's Baldrick,' and they'd say, 'Yes, we know. Sod off, Baldrick.'" Blackadder just puts down S. Baldrick on the form.

A reporter later asks what the S in Baldrick's name stands for, and Blackadder promptly tells him, "Sod off!"

Answer: The acquisition of turnips

When filling out Baldrick's application for government, Blackadder asks Baldrick what his minimum bribe level is, and Baldrick replies, "One turnip". Continuing on this interesting track, Blackadder asks Baldrick what he'd do with a thousand pounds, and Baldrick replies, "I'd get a little turnip of my own".

When asked what he'd do with a million pounds, Baldrick replies, "Oh that's different, I'd get a great big turnip in the country".

Answer: A sausage

Blackadder is telling Baldrick about his magnum opus, 'Edmund: A Butler's Tale', and Baldrick mentions that he himself has written a novel, which he cites as being semi-autobiographical. When he shows it to Blackadder he says, "It's my magnificent octopus" (Baldrick's version of magnum opus). Edmund reads, "Once upon a time, there was a lovely little sausage called `Baldrick', and it lived happily ever after." When Baldrick shows this novel to Dr. Samuel Johnson, it enrages him, as he has just discovered that he left "sausage" out of his dictionary.

Answer: The Shadow

In the beginning of 'Amy and Amiability', Blackadder is complaining that he has lots of bills and no way to pay them. Baldrick suggests to Blackadder, "You should become a dashing highwayman, then you can pay all your bills and, on top of that, everyone'll want to sleep with you", to which Blackadder replies "I could become a prostitute and pay my bills, then everyone would want to sleep with me - but I do consider certain professions beneath me." It is within this conversation that we discover that Baldrick is obsessed with The Shadow, who we learn is half-way to becoming the next Robin Hood, as he steals from the rich, but hasn't quite got around to giving it to the poor.

Answer: Vomit

Blackadder is commissioned by General Melchett to find an artist among his men to paint an inspiring picture for 'King and Country'. Although he is at first reluctant, he quickly snaps to attention when he learns that the artist will be sent out of the trenches.

When he commissions Baldrick and George to paint pictures, Baldrick creates a rather interesting painting of vomit. When asked why by Blackadder, he replies, "You told me to paint whatever comes from within, so I did my breakfast. Look, there's a little tomato."

Answer: A huge false moustache

When Blackadder is sentenced to death by firing squad, Baldrick brings him a bag of assorted items to help him escape. Among these items are a small painted wooden duck, so Blackadder can have a brilliant disguise if he's near water, a miniature trumpet, in case he has to win favor with a difficult child, and a Robin Hood costume, in case he arrives in a French peasant village and they're having a fancy dress party.

Answer: A dead slug

Melchett is throwing a concert party to boost the morale of the men, and Blackadder agrees to run it, as the members of the show get to leave the trenches and go to the London Palladium. Baldrick decides to be a Charlie Chaplin impersonator and uses a dead slug named Graham as his false moustache. General Melchett later comments that he liked the slug-balancer and suggested that Baldrick get a little sparkly costume for the slug.