The Gastronomic Guild Gets Goofy Quiz

Answer: It contained apple peels instead of the fruit

The redoubtable Bruyere explains:

A quick internet search reveals that there are a lot of web pages that mention this cultural icon in America. No, there is no fruit in this pie except for the lemon juice. I myself grew up wondering what on earth it tasted like and why you'd want to make a fake apple pie when the real thing was so good? Besides, I love Ritz crackers plain and simple. It turns out that this recipe with coarsely broken up pieces of cracker and then soaked with lemon juice, crème of tartar and seasonings, resembles the texture and taste of apple pie and has a rich history. The Pecan Pie variety was created in the sixties, but unlike its 'cousin' it actually has pecans in it. It uses a mixture of crackers for the base of the pie instead of the Karo syrup varieties traditionally used in most Southern households and has fewer calories. The mock apple pie is truly as 'American as apple pie' as it goes way back into history. The Ritz cracker variety only came out in the 1930s. From a scientific standpoint, it's an example of blending flavors and coming out with a very different flavor. Anyone tasting one of those mystery blender drinks at the fair will testify that egg shells, carrots, lemon juice and a few other ingredients taste like strawberries.

Answer: Woolton Pie

The creative Quiz_Beagle explains the dish further:

Woolton Pie was named after the man who became Minister of Food in 1940 - Frederick Marquis, 1st Lord Woolton. One recipe for Woolton Pie was cooked diced potatoes (or parsnips), cauliflower, swede (known as turnip or neeps in Scotland and northern England), carrots, and sometimes rolled oats and chopped spring onions. This recipe was topped with potato pastry and grated cheese and served with brown gravy. However, this is not a definitive recipe, as the whole point was to take advantage of what was available (Just like Quiz_Beagle). All the wrong answers concerned Ministers involved with WWII, but they did not have pies named after them.

Answer: Wood pulp

A lady and a scholar, pu2-ke-qi-ri continues:

Wonder Bread has had tussles over the years with the Federal Trade Commission, who have wondered about Wonder Bread's periodic claims to be a health food. In the late 1970's, the FTC shot down Wonder Bread's high-fiber claims as false advertising, since Wonder Bread neglected to inform customers that the fiber was not bread into the flour itself, but came from the addition of wood pulp. Mmmmm, yummy wood pulp, tastes like wet toilet paper. This raises the next question-- was that *recycled* wood pulp?

Answer: Seaweed

A fine athlete and proud Londoner, question author Snowman further elaborates on his foray into American fast food as follows:

The seaweed in question is Chondrus crispus, more commonly known as Irish moss. From this red alga is derived carrageenan, which is used as a thickener in the shakes. This, however, is not a McDonald's peculiarity; carrageenan has been commonly used as an additive in many foodstuffs for more than a hundred years and was first used in China in approximately 600BC. A particularly common area in which it has been used is in dairy products as the lambda form of carrageenan, when mixed with proteins, acts as a very effective thickener. Other uses include as a clarifier in beer, a stabilizer in toothpaste and as a substitute fat in processed meats.

The many rumours surrounding the McDonald's shakes have included the suggestion that they were made from potato peelings; indeed some suggestions went so far as to claim that there was more potato in the shake recipe than in a portion of french fries. This has been strenuously denied by the company. As has the suggestion that pork fat or lard was used as a milk replacement in the shakes. The company states clearly that no animal-derived products other than milk are used in the shakes and they have been suitable for vegetarians ever since the colouring for the Strawberry shake began to be made from a beetroot-extract rather than the cochineal beetle which the original recipe used.

The suggestion that tree sap was used to sweeten the product was flatly denied. All gums used to thicken the shakes come from locust beans, guar beans and Carrageenan.

Answer: Boyne Valley pork sausages

Esteemed guildster and Northern Ireland denizen darksplash continues on this topic so close to his heart:

I suppose you COULD use Guinness since the other ingredients are cooked in stock, but more traditionally you should drink the Guinness with the meal. The essential ingredients are pork sausages (though not necessarily from the Boyne Valley), streaky bacon, potatoes (naturally: it is an Irish dish after all) and onions. Flavour with parsley, salt and black pepper. See homecooking.about.com and search for 'dublin coddle' to find recipe and cooking methods.

Answer: Her breasts

Jouen58 elaborates on this fascinating link between cuisine and hagiography:

St. Agatha was a virgin martyr who was born in Catania (or possibly Palermo) and died probably around the 3rd century A.D. The details of her actual torture and martyrdom are not known, but, according to one legend, her breasts were removed at one point, though they were later restored by St. Peter himself during a vision in her prison cell. You'll undoubtedly be pleased to know that, since this legend dates from about the 10th century, some 700 years after the fact, it is almost certainly untrue. Nonetheless, the Sicilians celebrate the Saint's feast day- February 5th- with a sweet pastry known as Minni di St. Agata. These are round, jam-filled pastries which can be said to bear a passing resemblance to a female breast.

In addition to being the patroness of Sicily, St. Agatha is also invoked against breast cancer (for obvious reasons), as well as earthquakes and volcanoes, both of which are frequent occurrences in her native land.

Answer: Loco Moco

Though Hawaii is still very much a part of his home country, Washington State resident Eauhomme manages to stretch beyond his home confines with this fine extrapolation on Hawaiian fare:

Musubi is spam and rice wrapped in seaweed. Laulau is pork wrapped in a taro leaf. Mixed Plate (also called Plate Lunch) is typically a couple scoops of white rice, macaroni salad, and a meat entree.

Loco Moco was first created in 1949 in Hilo, Hawaii (either at the Lincoln Grill or the Cafe 100--both claim ownership). Supposedly, the dish was created to give teenagers an alternative to the typical Japanese cuisine or American sandwiches, which would still be nutritious and take less time to cook and eat than typical Asian food. The name comes from the word "Loco", meaning "crazy" and "Moco", simply used for the rhyme.

Many, if not most, restaurants in Hawaii that serve breakfast now include Loco Moco on the menu. Some variations exist, generally based on which meat is used, including such Hawaiian favorites as Spam, Kalua pork, Portuguese sausage, or mahi mahi.

Answer: Yeast, sugar, peaches, fruit cocktail, chunk pineapple with juice and maraschino cherries that is set aside to ferment at room temperature for 30 days

Though admittedly not a fan of the dessert, Guild mainstay Joemc37 explains its preparation thus:


The process of making the starter for friendship cake goes as follows:

You want to mix your yeast, sugar and peaches. Set the ingredients in a one gallon jar with a lid. Do not refrigerate! Let the mix sit out for 10 days, stirring it once daily.
On day ten you add: 1 (30 oz.) can chunk pineapple with juice. Let the mix sit out for 10 more days, stirring it once daily.
On day 20 you add: 1 (29 oz.) fruit cocktail with juice 1 (10 oz.) maraschino cherries and juice. Let the mix sit out for 10 more days, stirring it once daily.
On day 30 you have to drain juice off and save 1 ½ cup of the starter for your friendship cake. Divide the rest of the starter into 1 ½ cup portions and give it to 6 friends along with the recipe. The starter is used for your friends to make another batch. They add the starter that was received from you into a one gallon jar and then start the process over again to make more for their friends.
The friendship cake recipe is as follows:
1 ½ c. fruit starter
1 c. chopped nuts
1 pkg. yellow cake mix (not the pudding kind)
1 sm. pkg. instant vanilla or lemon pudding mix
4 eggs
2/3 c. oil

Mix cake mix, pudding mix, eggs and oil. Add nuts and fruit. Spread evenly in greased and floured 9x13 inch pan. Bake at 350 degrees for 35 to 40 minutes.

Answer: Porcupine

SilverMoonsong rose to the challenge to get goofy with the grub and came up with this...unique recipe.

Although this recipe calls for Porcupine, I'm sure any truck driver can tell you that any road kill can be substituted as long as it isn't horribly mangled.

The basic recipe is:

1 dead porcupine
1 egg
1 cup dry noodles
1 cup industrial strength spices

1. Cut the fleshy part of belly out and dice. Discard the rest of the carcass.

2. Place 6 cups of water into hub cap and bring to a boil.

3. Add diced meat, and all remaining ingredients. Simmer for 30 minutes.

Source: Richard Marcou (1991) Road Kill: Goremet Cooking.
Winnipeg, Manitoba: Quade International, Inc

Stu's note: I haven't asked SilverMoonsong if she's made this, nor do I intend to.

Answer: Salvia

Stuthehistoryguy explains:

Seitan is a wheat-based product made by cleansing wheat flour of its starch, leaving the protein-rich gluten behind. Pressed tofu can also be dressed up to appear meatlike, and its soy base makes it a great source of protein as well. Tempeh is also a soy product, cultured and fermented to give it a meat-like cohesion. I first tried some gluten-based beef at a Thai place in San Francisco. Being a farm boy from Nebraska, I was quite shocked to find it very palatable. Since then, I've branched out, but I'm not about to take on Salvia divinorum (often referred to as simply "salvia"), a psychoactive herb that is claimed by its supporters to engender profound insight. I'm not one to judge others, but for now I'll stick with the mystery meat.

On behalf of some of the best folks I've run into in my time on the Internet, I thank you for playing this quiz. If you have any questions, comments, or corrections, please let us know.