"If" I Only Had the Rest of This Title Quiz

Answer: Chicago

The first number one hit for Chicago-based (there's a surprise!) rock band, Chicago, "If You Leave Me Now" was a softer, more balladic song than their previous offerings.

Written by and featuring the vocals of Peter Cetera, this 1976 song was one of three U.S. chart-toppers, the other two being "Hard To Say I'm Sorry" (1982) and "Look Away" (1988).

Cetera's singing style developed as a result of having to singing with his jaw wired-shut after getting into a rumble at a Dodgers game in 1969.

"If you leave me now
You'll take away the biggest part of me
Oo-oo-ooh, no, baby please don't go..."

Answer: (If Paradise Is)

A Welsh band, Amen Corner were named after a ballroom where they played at weekly soul music sessions in Cardiff.

"(If Paradise Is) Half As Nice" went to number one of the U.K. charts in 1969. Amen Corner had four U.K. top ten hits in 1968 and 1969, the others being "High In The Sky", "Hello Susie" and "Bend Me, Shape Me" (a cover of The Outsiders' 1967 song).

I bet you want to correct me and say "No! It's a cover of The American Breed's song". Well, I suppose you are technically correct, but the point I am making here is that The Outsiders performed the song originally, and a good year before The American Breed scored their hit with the tune.

"If paradise is half as nice
As heaven that you take me to
Who needs paradise
I'd rather have you..."

Answer: If I Needed Someone

Beatles fans will have immediately noticed that one of the song choices was an imposter! "If I Was", of course, is not a Beatles song at all! I could only find three Beatles tunes with "If" in the title. Midge Ure (of Ultravox) released the song as a single in 1985, taking it to number one in the U.K. and Ireland.

"If You've Got Trouble" was originally intended to appear on the "Help!" album and in the movie, but was replaced by "Act Naturally". It did not appear on a Beatles record for another 31 years, finally surfacing on "Anthology 2". Music critic Ian MacDonald said the song was "the only unmitigated disaster in the Lennon-McCartney catalogue", and criticised its lyrics and melody. George Harrison himself stated that "It's the most weird song. It's got stupid words and is the naffest song. No wonder it didn't make it onto anything."

"If I Fell" is an Everly Brothers-style duet by John Lennon and Paul McCartney which appeared on the album "A Hard Day's Night" and the movie of the same name.

"If I Needed Someone" is a George Harrison track from the album "Rubber Soul". Featuring his jangly Rickenbacker, Harrison's opening riff is reportedly an homage to The Byrds' "The Bells Of Rhymeney".

"Carve your number on my wall
And maybe you will get a call from me
If I needed someone..."

Answer: If You Could Read My Mind

Discussing the alternative answers first, "If You Love Me (Let Me Know)" was a number 5 U.S. hit for Olivia Newton-John in 1974. "If Not For You" is a song written by Bob Dylan which Newton-John also recorded, in 1971. "If I Had Words" was a 1977 U.K. number 3 hit for Scott Fitzgerald and Yvonne Keeley. Some of you may be familiar with the song from the movie "Babe".

These three songs are all ostensibly positive songs, a celebration of relationships.

Based on Lightfoot's divorce, "If You Could Read My Mind" appeared on his 1970 album "Sit Down Young Stranger". Inspired by the song's success, his record label subsequently re-titled the album to the song name.

"If you could read my mind love
What a tale my thoughts could tell
Just like an old time movie
'Bout a ghost from a wishin' well..."

Answer: Politicians

Canadian Bruce Cockburn's 1984 effort left you in no doubt it was a protest song. "If I Had A Rocket Launcher" earned its author a reputation for being a musical activist, however, the song only just broke the top 50 in his home country.

"To fall down from starvation
Or some less humane fate
Cry for Guatemala
With a corpse in every gate
If I had a rocket launcher
I would not hesitate..."

Answer: Minnie Riperton

I could find no record of Minnie Riperton, who died in 1979 aged just 32, of ever having recorded "If Not For You". Minnie, who had a big hit in 1975 with "Lovin' You", was best known for her vocal range of five-and-a-half octaves.

Contrast this with the writer of "If Not For You", one Mr Dylan, who can barely cover one octave (and not much more than one note!). Just kidding, don't send me correction notices - but there is somewhat of a contrast between the two. Dylan's recording was made in 1970 and the song appeared on his album "New Morning".

George Harrison, who had played on early studio takes of the song with Dylan, liked it so much he recorded it and included it on his 1970 triple album "All Things Must Pass".

Olivia Newton-John used the song as the title track of her debut album in 1971.

"If not for you, babe, I
Couldn't even find the door
I couldn't even see the floor
I'd be sad and blue
If not for you..."

Answer: If We Try

"If We Try" is a track from Don McLean's self-titled album "Don McLean". The album was released in 1972, a year after "American Pie". That was a hard act to follow and the album made it to number 23 on the U.S. charts.

As a single, "If We Try" reached number 58 - in this author's opinion, it was one of those songs that found itself in the wrong place at the wrong time (probably due to following on the coat-tails of "American Pie") and it deserved better.

"Faces come and faces go in circular rotation
But something yearns within to grow beyond infatuation
Won't you look my way once before you go
And my eyes will say what you ought to know
Well you've got me standin' deaf and blind
Cause I see love as just a state of mind
And who knows what it is that we might find, if we try..."

Answer: Potter

"If I were a carpenter
And you were a lady
Would you marry me anyway
Would you have my baby?"

and

"If a tinker were my trade
Would you still find me
Carryin' the pots I made
Followin' behind me?"

and

"If I were a miller
At a mill wheel grinding
Would you miss your color box
And your soft shoe shining?"

The song has been covered by many artists, including The Four Tops, Johnny Cash, Robert Plant, Bob Seger and Leon Russell.

Answer: Mental As Anything

"If You Leave Me Can I Come Too?" was one of three top ten hits for Sydney-based band Mental As Anything. They never made number one. Reaching number 4 in 1981, the song was one of many released by the band where title was a play on words, or just plain strange! Other notable song titles were:

"The Nips Are Getting Bigger"
"Berserk Warriors"
"I Didn't Mean To Be Mean"
"Brain Brain"
"Apocalypso (Wiping The Smile Off Santa's Face)"
"Sloppy Croc"

As an aside, the lead singer, Andrew Smith, was known as Greedy Smith. Smith is rumoured to have acquired the nickname Greedy in the late 70s when before a Mentals concert he single-handedly consumed most of a bucket of KFC prior to going on stage.

"If you leave me, can I come too?
We can always stay
But if you leave me, can I come too?
And if you go, can I come too..."

Answer: If

"If a picture paints a thousand words
Then why can't I paint you?
The words will never show the you I've come to know..."

"If" was released in 1971 by Bread and became (and then remained) the shortest song title to become a top ten hit until 1993, when Prince hit the top ten with "7". Ironically, Prince's song made it to number 7. Perhaps he should have entitled it "1". Then again, in 2009 Britney Spears reached number 1 with "3", which, based on the previous logic, infers that there must have been some sort of rip in the space-time continuum...

"If" was also covered by Telly Savalas in 1975 and made it to the top spot in the United Kingdom.