"South Park" - "Something Wall-Mart ..." Quiz

Answer: Jimmy

On opening day, Mrs. Marsh told Mrs. Broflovski that Wall-Mart made a point of employing the elderly (like her own father) and the handicapped. Jimmy approached the women and offered to get them a shopping cart. However, when he went to try to pull one out of the cart line, he struggled comically because he was so constricted by his crutches!

Answer: Time Cop

Cartman grabbed a package and exclaimed, "Dude, check it out! 'Time Cop' on DVD. Three copies for 18 bucks!" Kyle pointed out that there wasn't much logic in getting three copies of the same movie, but Cartman contended that the logic lay in the great value: "Because one copy is $9.98.

But this way you save, like, 20 bucks!" Kyle demurred and Cartman concluded that he was simply a bad shopper.

Answer: Ramen

The family was sitting in front of the television enjoying their meal as Randy Marsh observed wistfully: "Just look at the Marsh family, huh? Brand new television, new plastic dishware and cups, and enough bulk-buy ramen to last us a thousand winters." Stan asked, "Dad, how come Wall-Mart is able to sell everything so cheap?" and his father explained: "It's simple economics, son. I don't understand it at all.

But God, I love it."

Answer: played a violin

Cartman was annoyed that they were going to Jim's Drugs anyway, pointing out that the same merchandise could be found at Wall-Mart for cheaper. When they got there, though, Mr. Farkle told the boys he was going out of business: "I can't compete with Wall-Mart's low prices. Everyone is shopping there now, and... well, I can't make ends meet. I've got to sell the store and try to find another line of work." Cartman pulled a violin out from behind his back and, ever sensitive, started playing a little tune of woe to match Mr. Farkle's story. Mr. Farkle walked off in tears and Kyle lamented his situation. Cartman contended that it was "called progress," to which Kyle replied, "Yeah, but what about all the people getting laid off from the grocery stores? And what about all the-" Cartman had pulled out the violin again and was playing along with Kyle, so Kyle interrupted himself to break the violin on the pavement. Cartman was unfazed, pointing out, "I can go get another one at Wall-Mart.

It was only five bucks."

Answer: no

The townspeople informed the manager that they'd had a town meeting and, because of its effects on the town's economy and livelihood, wanted Wall-Mart to leave South Park. The manager explained that it wasn't quite so simple:

Manager: "Well, what? What, you think I want to be hear? I hate this place. But it... won't let me leave."
Kyle: "But you run the Wall-Mart."
Manager: "Oh, you're wrong! Wall-Mart... isn't run by anybody! First it reels you in with its bargains. Next thing you know you... you're working at the Wall-Mart because it has all the jobs. Then you're sitting in a little office, trapped on all sides."
Chef: "Then why don't you just quit?"
Manager: "Not so loud! It can hear you."
Kyle: "You hate Wall-Mart too?"
Manager: "Augh! I didn't say that! I love Wall-Mart! With all its... fantastic bargains and one-stop shopping, who can't love it, right?"
The manager then picked up a paper and pen and started scribbling something while he continued to talk.
Manager: "Uh, Wa- Wall-Mart takes the hassle out of shopping and, and makes it both affordable and fun."
The manager paused to showed the townspeople what he had written: "Not safe to talk here." Then he continued on:
Manager: "And Wall-Mart really gives back to the community! Us people are certainly happy to have a store like Wall-Mart, aren't we?"
The manager paused a final time to show the townspeople the rest of his note: "Meet me out back in 5 mins."

The townspeople watched the manager stare at them pleadingly, teeth chattering, before finally walking silently out of his office. On the stairs outside, they had second thoughts, suspecting they'd been "squirreled" and that the manager got them "to go away by being so goofy." Just as they prepared to stomp back into the office, the manager swung threw his office window on a rope, hanging himself. Incidentally, this also provided Cartman with the evidence to win his bet with Kyle, as the manager soiled himself at the moment of death!

Answer: drinking glass

The Marsh family had just sat down to dinner (3 steaks from South Park Grocery rather than the 6 they could have afforded from Wall-Mart) when Stan knocked over and broke his glass. Randy jumped up and gathered the family to go to Wall-Mart, pointing out that it was the only place they could "get a new glass at this hour." Stan reminded his dad that they'd agreed not to shop at Wall-Mart anymore, to which his father replied, "Stan! One family buying one glass isn't gonna make a difference!" Of course, when they got there, the store was crowded with townspeople, like Mr. Broflovski who just had to buy a "napkin dispenser at 9:30 at night!"

Answer: burning it down

Mr. Garrison wanted to burn it down, which won out over Chef's idea of freezing it and Mr. Stotch's idea of reasoning with it. No one seemed to like Kyle's suggestion that they just "not shop at Wall-Mart anymore. If you want it to go away, all it takes is a little self-control and personal responsibility." Watching the building burn down, the townsfolk joined together in a round of "Kumbaya".

Answer: slashed the bus tires

Kyle knew the entire time that Cartman only wanted to come with them to Bentonville so as to double-cross them in support of Wall-Mart. Cartman denied it, though, until the boys had returned to South Park and planned their attack. Then he revealed his true intentions, to no one's surprise, and insisted on detailing the extent of his betrayal, right down to having slashed the bus tires. Cartman explained his deeds as though they would be a huge revelation, despite Kyle pointing out that he'd been saying the entire time that Cartman was betraying them!

Answer: televisions

Stan and Kyle were making their way to the department with Randy Marsh, when Randy was overcome by a good deal on screwdrivers: "This bargain is too great for me! I'm gonna have to buy these! Here! Take the keys and go on! The television department is near the back! Next to the cell phones! Go, hurry! I'm gonna go buy these screw drivers!" When the boys got to the television department, they found a man in a white suit who claimed he was "Wall-Mart." A cryptic conversation, reminiscent of Neo's conversation with The Architect in "The Matrix: Reloaded", ensued:

Stan: "We don't want your store in our town; we've come to destroy you."
Kyle: "Where's the heart?"
Wall-Mart: "To find the heart of Wall-Mart, one must first ask oneself, 'Who is it that asked the question?'"
Stan: "Me. I'm asking the question."
Wall-Mart: "Ah, yes, but who are you?"
Stan: "Stan Marsh. Now, where's the heart?"
Wall-Mart: "Ah, you know the answer, but not the question."
Kyle: "The question is, 'Where is the heart?'"
Wall-Mart: "Very well. You want to see the heart of Wall-Mart? It lies beyond that plasma-screen television."

The boys dutifully looked behind the television, and found only a mirror showing them the consumer, which they broke according to the advise of the man in Bentonville.

Answer: it was burned down

After the boys had destroyed the Wall-Mart, the town all went to shop at Jim's Drugs. However, the booming business led the small store to expand to Wall-Mart proportions until the townsfolk burned it down and sang "Kumbaya" as they watched its demise, determining to "not make that mistake again."