"South Park" - "Red Hot Catholic Love" Quiz

Answer: money or goldfish

The woman was supposed to find out if the kids had been molested "without really telling them what's going on," but she didn't seem to be doing a very good job. After asking a few benign questions about Father Maxi's temperament, she jumped right to asking if he'd ever tried to put anything in the kids' butts.

They were mystified by what she could be referring to, and she tried to clarify: "No, no. Did he ever try to put anything that belonged to him in your butt?" The boys responded in unison, "No."

Answer: atheists

They were fed up trying to believe in a god who would let their "kids be molested in the first place" and determined to become atheists. Caught up in the excitement, Mr. Stotch exclaimed, "Yeah, let's kill God, yeah!" The other parents were a little more reserved, and Randy said, "Well, us, let's... let's just be atheists." Mr. Stotch thought for a moment before questioning the distinction: "...Same thing."

Answer: food

Thinking about the counselor's odd questions, Cartman theorized that if he shoved food into his butt, he would then poop out of his mouth. Kyle, of course, told him it was "the dumbest thing [he'd] ever said - this week!" Cartman was not to be dissuaded, and bet Kyle $20 that it would work.

After some effort, Cartman actually did manage to poop out of his mouth, winning the bet and astounding all the other boys!

Answer: have sex with women

Father Maxi hoped to put a stop to priests having sex with little boys, but some of the cardinals at the Vatican objected that they had nowhere else to turn for sex. Father Maxi gingerly suggested changing Vatican law to allow "a priest or bishop or cardinal to have sex... with women." The Gelgamek Cardinal immediately objected on the grounds that "The Gelgamek vagina is three feet wide and filled with razor-sharp teeth!" Priest Maxi responded that perhaps concerns of planet Gelgamek should be considered separately from the ones for planet Earth, but he was then told that they couldn't make changes to the document anyway because no one knew where it was!

Answer: high cholesterol and stomach cancers

As Kyle watched aghast, the Surgeon General made his statement: "And the, uh, immediate research shows that the act is not only amusing, but in fact much healthier for our bodies than the old way of eating. You see, food entering through the anus has the benefit of being broken down on its way to the stomach rather than afterward. And therefore I believe that interorectogestion would actually put a stop to high cholesterol and most kinds of stomach cancers. And I base that on absolutely nothing."

Answer: Martha Stewart

Not only did Martha Stewart demonstrate how to eat with one's butt, she showed her audience how to specially prepare a turkey for that purpose, including basting "with lubricating gel rather than with juice" so as to "smooth the insertion later on!"

Answer: a video game

An old monk in the catacombs told him that the Holy Document of Vatican Law lay beyond a set of doors, but "many troubles" would await the priest before he would reach the document. Father Maxi, dedicated to his cause, passed through the doors and found himself in a video game environment where he fought his way past alligators and a rattlesnake before finding safety in an inner chamber.

Answer: quesadillas

The Marshes were hosting a meeting of the South Park Atheists Club and Sharon passed around a tray of quesadillas as snacks. She also pointed out the "potty basket," which looked an awful lot like a repurposed trash can! All the parents were thrilled with the snack, "eating" in the middle of the meeting and using the potty basket with no sense of shame!

Answer: a spider

All the cardinals, bishops and priests in the Vatican chanted in unison, summoning the "great Queen Spider." The enormous arachnid told the group that Vatican rules could not be changed. Priest Maxi finally lost his cool, pointing out the absurdity of the Vatican's decision-making process.

Answer: yes

After Father Maxi's heartfelt speech about being a Catholic in the real world, Randy realized that they "shouldn't toss away the lessons of the Bible just because a few [jerks] in Italy screwed it up." Stan asked if that meant they'd have to go to church again, and Randy replied, "No.

It means we get to, son. It means... we get to." Of course, Randy's sentiment was undermined a bit when a piece of poop started coming out of his mouth!