"South Park" - "Miss Teacher Bangs a Boy" Quiz

Answer: it was his turn to be hall monitor

Cartman was telling the boys about a prank he'd pulled on Kelly Nelson, wherein he got her to smell his finger after it had been in his derriere, and when the hall monitor told him he had to go to the Principal's office, he assumed it was because of Kelly Nelson.

However, when he got there he was told that it was his turn to be hall monitor. When Mr. Mackey mentioned the "authority" Cartman would be imbued with, Cartman started to get drunk on the idea of his new power, and went straight to making a music video in the style of Dog the Bounty Hunter's opening credits.

Answer: Bathroom

Butters was at the urinal, singing a song, when Cartman busted in and asked for his hall pass. Butters was so flustered that he couldn't locate it, so Cartman banged his head on the stall, cuffed him, and took him to the Principal's office. While they waited to be admitted, Cartman offered Butters some comfort, following the model of Dog the Bounty Hunter:
Cartman: "Look, brah, I had to bring you in, but I don't have any hard feelings against you, alright?"
Butters: "Huh?"
Cartman: "Here. You need a smoke, brah?"
Butters: "Oh... Okay."
[Cartman lights a cigarette for Butters.]
Cartman: "You gotta give yourself over to Christ, brah."
Butters: "I do?" [Coughing.]
Cartman: "Jesus is Lord. You can go one direction in life, where you can just walk around hallways without a hall pass, or you can see the light, brah."
Butters could only respond to this helpful advice with more coughing.

Answer: Afternoon Delight

It was an appropriate choice of tune, since "afternoon delight" was exactly what Miss Stevenson was trying to get! Kyle was sent to her house to fetch his brother and accidentally walked in on Miss Stevenson in the bathtub. He was clearly embarrassed and excused himself profusely, but when Ike's head popped up from the water, Kyle's embarrassment turned to anger and he tried to drag his brother home!

Answer: "Nice."

After trying in vain to get his mother to investigate Ike's relationship with Miss Stevenson, Kyle went to the police, but it didn't go quite as he had hoped:
Kyle: "Ex- Excuse me? My name is... Brad. And I need to report a crime. Anonymously."
Detective 1: "Oh? What's the crime?"
Kyle: "Well, I attend South Park Elementary. And- And one of the teachers is having sex with a student."
Cops: "Oh my god! This is terrible!"
Detective 1: "You did the right thing telling the police, Brad. Now who's the teacher? What's his name?"
Kyle: "Well, it isn't a guy teacher. It's a woman?"
Cop 1: "A woman?"
Kyle: "Yeah. She's having sex with a boy."
Detective 2: "Oh. But- But she's ugly, right?"
Kyle: "Well, no, not really. It's the kindergarten teacher, Miss Stevenson."
Detective 1: "The blonde?"
Kyle: "Yeah."
Cop 1: "Some young boy's having sex with Miss Stevenson?"
Kyle: "Yes."
Cop 1: "Nice."
Detective 1: "Nice."
Kyle: "What?! No, you don't understand!"
Cop 1: "You sure they've had sex?"
Kyle: "Yeah!"
Cop 2: "Has she performed oral sex on him?"
Kyle: "Yeah, I think so."
Cop 2: "Nice."
Cop 1: "Nice."
Cop 2: "Nice."
Detective 1: "So, wait. What's the crime?"
Cop 1: "The crime is, she isn't doin' it with me!"
Kyle: "Hey! He's totally underage! She's taking advantage of him!"
Detective 1: "You're right, we're sorry. This is serious. We need to track this student down, and give him his Luckiest Boy in America medal right away."
Kyle: "Aagh!"

Answer: Bear Mace

After Kyle had turned him onto the activities taking place in "his" hallway, Cartman found Miss Stevenson and Ike making out by the pay phone. Because Ike didn't have a hall pass, he insisted on taking them in, and when Miss Stevenson resisted, Cartman sprayed her with bear mace!

Answer: "You are dead to me."

Ike was clearly angry that his lover had been arrested, and Kyle tried to explain that he wasn't to blame: "Ike, I didn't tell on you. You got busted by the hallway monitor. Okay, I did have something to do with it, but someday you're going to realize it was for the best." Ike just stared at his brother and said, "You are dead to me." Kyle was shocked and asked, "What?" Ike repeated, "I said, you're dead to me." Dumbfounded, Kyle asked, "I'm dead to you?" Ike coldly confirmed, "You're dead to me, Kyle."

Answer: she's an alcoholic

At her press conference, Miss Stevenson admitted to the affair but tried to excuse it: "I am deeply sorry to announce, that the allegations against me are true. Over the past several weeks, I have been having physical relations with one of my students. I know my actions were wrong, but I cannot be fully to blame. You see, I am an alcoholic." Watching the television with Kyle, Cartman was horrified: "Oh, no, I don't believe it! She's using the Mel Gibson defense!"

Answer: Milan

After completing her rehab program, she snuck in through Ike's window and asked him to go to Milan with her. Ike was very excited, but seemed to think they were going to "Mulan", the Disney film!

Answer: Beth

Kyle was depressed about his brother having left, but Cartman approached with some good news:
Cartman: "There you are! What are you doing? You giving up, brah?"
Kyle: "Dude, my brother's in Milan. There's nothing I can do."
Cartman: "No, they haven't left yet! Their flight is tomorrow morning."
Kyle: "How do you know that?"
Cartman: "I had Beth check out their Travelocity account."
Kyle: "Who's Beth?"
Cartman: "Beth is my [woman]! I've put a whole crew together brah. I'm gonna get that hallway defiling slut no matter what it takes!"
Then we get to see yet another music video for Cartman's Hall Monitor crew, this time with assistants including a ridiculously big-breasted Beth!

Answer: suicide

Cornered on the roof by Cartman's team and the cops, Miss Stevenson revealed her plan for her and Ike to commit suicide so their love could live for eternity. Kyle was terrified and tried to talk Ike out of it: "No, Ike! Don't do it! [...] Ike, please! I know your first love seems like the only love, but trust me, it's not. You have so much life ahead of you! [...] Ike, you need to have a life. Have fun! Then ruin it by having a serious relationship!" Whether Kyle's words got through to Ike or he'd never really been on board with the double-suicide in the first place, he did not accompany Miss Stevenson off the roof!