"South Park" - "South Park Is Gay!" Quiz

Answer: Kyle

The other three boys had been standing there for a bit listening to Stan recount how he spilled Coke on his "satin pajama top." When Kyle showed up in his normal clothes, his newly metrosexual friends mocked him and fussed over him with concern. Stan even pointed out splotches on Kyle's neck and asked if he was "using any exfoliating products at all!" Then the boys determined that they couldn't let their friend "out in public" looking the way he did, and dragged him to the mall for a makeover.

Answer: Craig

Though all the boys in school had adopted metrosexuality, Craig had three friends dressed just like him and the boys immediately succumbed to a rivalry with him, arguing about who was "gayer." When Kyle showed up in the classroom in his normal clothes, Craig took it as evidence that the other boys were straight, which of course launched another argument about who had more claim to being gay. Craig claimed to be "a catamite" and Cartman shot back that he was "half bisexual!" When Mr. Garrison interrupted the argument, challenging Cartman's claim of bisexuality, Cartman defended himself, saying, "I'm like, a quarter bi. My grandpa was bi, so that makes me quarter-bi."

Answer: Officer Barbrady

Mr. Garrison and Mr. Slave went to their usual haunt for an evening of drinks, only to find it full of newly-metrosexual men from town. Mr. Garrison assumed that all the men were gay, though, and hit on a three of them before Randy explained that none of them were actually gay. Mr. Garrison pointed to Randy's pants and shoes as evidence that he was gay.

The men explained to Mr. Garrison that they were still straight, just with a new appreciation for gay men, declaring "We learned that gays are totally cool. You're just one of us now." Mr. Garrison was furious, shouting, "We've spent our whole lives tryin' NOT to be one of you! You can't do this to us!"

Answer: he was straight

After his friends turned their backs on him, Kyle was overpowered by the mob of metrosexual boys. They beat him up because he wasn't metrosexual enough!

Answer: house

Mr. Garrison wanted to know how Chef's people reacted when "white people stole [their] culture." Chef explained that they "just always tried to stay out in front of them." When Mr. Slave asked for specifics, Chef went into detail: "Well, like with our slang. Black people always used to say, 'I'm in the house' instead of 'I'm here.' But then white people all started to say 'in the house' so we switched it to 'in the hizzouse.' 'Hizzouse' became 'hizzizzouse,' and then white folk started saying that, and we had to change it to 'hizzie,' then 'in the hizzle,' which we had to change to 'hizzle fo shizzle,' and now, because white people say 'hizzle fo shizzle,' we have to say 'flippity floppity floop.'"

Answer: the "Queer Eye" guys

They both blamed the men for spreading gay culture to the straight masses, and each set out with a knife to kill them. When they met each other on the train, they initially fought over who had the most right to kill the "Queer Eye" guys, but Mr. Slave convinced them to work together.

Answer: metrosexual pride parade

The other guys were immediately on board with the idea, planning to decorate the floats with "streamers and flowers." They marched out of the mall chanting, "Out of the malls and into the streets!"

Answer: crab people

Though the "Queer Eye" guys didn't want to press charges against Mr. Garrison and crew for trying to kill them, they wouldn't agree to stop making their show. Mr. Garrison couldn't understand, bemoaning, "How can gay men do this to their own people? Unless... you're not gay at all...!" The "Queer Eye" guys locked the door and revealed their true selves; out of each of the human shells burst a crab person!

Answer: President Bush

As Mr. Garrison, Kyle, and Mr. Slave looked on helplessly, the crab people made President Bush over with a silk jacket and moisturizer. Before they could finish the job, though, the South Park wives broke into the room to avenge the loss of their husbands against the "Queer Eye" guys. Shouting, "You turned our husbands into whiny little wusses! [...] It's payback time," the women attacked the "Queer Eye" guys with baseball bats and fists!

Answer: Latin fad

After the wives killed the "Queer Eye" guys and one of the crab people broke through the shell to utter its dying words, the studio head realized his mistake. He even mentioned that the crab people had tried something similar before with "The Jeffersons"! The studio head agreed to change his programming, concurring that "this gay fad is over." He ordered his people back to the studio, vowing, "We're gonna bring back the Latin fad." It didn't take long for that fad to hit South Park, and all the dads were soon dressed like Latino gangsters, addressing one another as "ese" and asking for "cerveza."