"South Park" - "Lil' Crime Stoppers" Quiz

Answer: cherry pie

The boys were eager for any work, so quickly jumped on the trail of the cherry pie that had gone missing off the old woman's window sill two day prior. In almost no time, they found the pet dog licking the last remains out of the pie tin.

Answer: "Just the news."

Their theory was pretty outlandish, so the old woman's response was understandable:
Old Woman: "My pie tin! Oooh, but what happened to the pie?"
Kyle: "Well, we've all talked it through and we've come up with a theory."
Old Man: "Well, what do you think happened, little detectives?"
Stan: "You said you set the pie in the window sill, where it must have sat for some time. But its sweet smell attracted the attention of somebody."
Kyle: "Your husband. He wanted that pie badly, but he knew that he was not allowed to eat it yet."
Cartman: "Slowly the rage built inside his mind. 'Why won't she let me eat that pie? Why does she always stop me from doing what I wanna do?!' His only solution became obvious: Kill her!"
Stan: "His plan was to use a hammer."
Cartman: "Bash, bash, BASH your skull in, causing instant death."
Stan: "Then to make it impossible for police to identify the body, he'd use a shovel to remove your head."
Kyle: "Then saw off the arms and legs."
Cartman: "The torso he would dump into the lake."
Stan: "The arms and legs he would dissolve with acid and lye in the bathtub."
Cartman: "And then, finally, he'd be able to eat that pie."
Kyle: "But before he could go through with this entire plan, he discovered that the pie had already been eaten...by your dog."
Cartman: "Looks like the game is over, old man!"
Old Woman: "Oh my God, what kind of television have you kids been watching?"
Stan: "Just the news."
Old Woman: "All right, all right, you boys run along now."
Stan: "Hey, you owe us a dollar, lady."
Old Woman: "Fine, here, just go!"

Answer: semen

The FBI rolled into Sarah's bedroom and claimed they had jurisdiction over local detectives, kicking the boys out of their own crime scene. Not ones to give up, the boys decided to solve the case on their own before the FBI could do so, and determined to start by questioning Butters! After Butters withstood Cartman's intense questioning, Cartman demanded a semen sample, and took him to the bathroom to show him how to provide one.

Answer: gynecologist

As the boys took their positions outside the house, the two boys inside lay the doll on the floor and told her, "Doctor... Flick here just needs to... check your vagina." When the boys realized there were detectives outside, though, they switched from "playing gynecologists" to "playing criminals" and tied the doll to a chair, threatening to "rip [her] head off!" Before the boys could figure out what to do next, the FBI showed up to take over again.

Answer: meth lab

He told them the address of a meth lab and warned them, "The operators are probably armed to the hilt with illegal weapons." When Kyle showed a bit of reticence, Lt. Dawson barked, "I don't want any problems. Just take them down by the books. [...] Oh, and Deputies, you screw this up and I'll have you working graveyard shift behind a desk! Move it!"

Answer: feminism

When the boys tried to say they hadn't been sleeping, Mr. Garrison put their claim to the test: "Then maybe you can tell me who was in charge of the feminist movement of the early sixties." Cartman thought a minute before positing a good guess: "A bunch of fat old [sexually promiscuous women] on their periods?" Mr. Garrison wanted a more specific response, but before he could continue, Lt. Dawson showed up and pulled the boys out of class.

Answer: strip club

Evidently, the meth lab had ties to a crime syndicate based out of a strip club in Inglewood. The boys went to the club and got called to the office, where one of the goons recognized the kids as police, starting a huge shoot out!

Answer: no

They entered the shoot out and killed off all the mob guys, eager to increase their percentage of the take. Then Murphy killed Jenkins and ruminated, "I'm in business alone. And that means that the only person I can't trust... is myself." Murphy then shot himself in the head!

Answer: laundromat

They transformed Cartman's basement into the Broflovski Laundromat, and the boys took turns bringing their dry-cleaning to Kyle.

Answer: yes

After two days in the bathroom, Butters ran into the basement (now a laundromat) and proudly announced that he'd gotten his "semen sample!" Of course, the boys no longer had a use for it, and Cartman asked Butters, "Would you like those pants cleaned for $4.95?"