"South Park" - "The Snuke" Trivia Quiz

Answer: he was Muslim

When Bahir arrived at school, Mrs. Garrison told him to sit in Kyle's empty desk, right next to Cartman. Cartman wasn't going to tolerate that kind of proximity, and crawled out of his chair and started backing out of the room. Mrs. Garrison stopped him, insisting that "not all Muslim people are terrorists." Cartman refused to be swayed, though, and replied, "No, but most of them are. And all it takes is most of them."

Answer: MySpace

Cartman didn't get any overt evidence of terrorism, but he did catch Bahir in a lie:
Cartman: "Go to MySpace. See if there's a MySpace page for a Bahir Hakeem."
Kyle: "Bahir Hakeem. Born in Chicago, eight years old, his favorite color is green... Car- Cartman, what is this all about?"
Cartman: "Kyle, I want you to check his buddy list. How many MySpace friends does he have?"
Kyle: "Over a hundred."
Cartman: "Look further down the page. Does he list his favorite band?"
Kyle: "White Stripes."
Cartman: "That's funny."
Kyle: "What?"
Cartman: "He told everyone in class today his favorite band was Blink 182."

Answer: yes

The pig moved through the crowd and eventually picked up a scent, which led him straight to the podium where Clinton was standing. Then, just as so many poorly trained dogs do, the pig followed the scent right into Mrs. Clinton's crotch! The CIA arrived at the only logical conclusion: that the terrorists had obtained a nuclear device and hidden it within Mrs. Clinton's reproductive organs.

The various intel organizations of the US government immediately got on the phone to spread the word about the suitcase nuke, specially designed to fit inside a woman's vagina and known in the field as a "snuke."

Answer: farts

Mr. Hakeem insisted he didn't know where his son was (in fact, he hadn't even been told that the school had been evacuated). With very little prodding, the CIA agents allowed Cartman to try interrogating Mr. Hakeem. Cartman dragged a stool up next to Mr. Hakeem and climbed atop it before dropping his pants, bending over, and squeezing out a series of farts right in Mr. Hakeem's face. Mr. Hakeem continued to insist on his innocent through the coughs brought on by Cartman's onslaught, but Cartman wasn't going to cave so easily, insisting, "I can do this all day." Later, when interrogating both Mr. and Mrs. Hakeem, Cartman injected himself with apple juice to give himself "super bad farts."

Answer: DEA

Homeland Security arrived first, but they barely had time to unpack their equipment before the FBI barged in to take over. Then the ATF arrived and took over on orders from "Central." Finally, the President's staff claimed authority, averring that Nelson was in charge. Nelson was caught up in the spirit of ever-shifting power, but got it a little backward, declaring, "Not anymore I'm not!" After Stan and Kyle witnessed the government's blatantly outmoded approach to researching (they relied on sources like Ask Jeeves, Drudge Report and JDate), Kyle took charge of the room once again.

Answer: the British

The Russians knew Cartman had warned the government about their attack, so they picked up Cartman and Bahir and held them hostage while revealing the true plan:
Vladimir: "You called and warned the government of our plans! What you don't know is that we are merely mercenaries! We were paid to set up the snuke so that the real enemy of America could attack!"
Cartman: "That's cool. I'm fine with Muslims invading."
Vladimir: "You really think Muslims are behind this terrorist threat?!"
Cartman: "Uhh, yes? Of course?"
Vladimir: "America had other enemies before the Muslims, you know. Who is American's oldest enemy?"
Cartman: "The Russians?"
Vladimir: "Before that."
Cartman: "The Germans?"
Vladimir: "Before that."
Cartman: "The Germans again?"
Vladimir: "Before that! I am talking about the oldest threat to America! The greatest enemy America has ever known!"
Cartman: "You can't possibly mean..."
Then a fleet of British ships is seen sailing for the US, dressed in uniforms from the Revolutionary War despite having cell phones on board!

Answer: no

Before going in, Brian suited up in hazmat gear and a gas mask, but when he got inside he found something "perched on the snuke's coil." Before he could get out, Brian started shrieking, "It's eating my head!" and then his shredded lifeless body was spat out of Mrs. Clinton's vagina!

Answer: they would be rich

Cartman tried to warn the Russians that they were just pawns and the British would kill them. The Russians replied with conviction, "Yes, but we will be rich." Later, when the CIA burst into the hideout and started shooting the terrorists, the head Russian tried to escape up a ladder, crying out, "No! I don't want to die without being paid." The CIA agent, clearly unmoved, promptly shot and killed him.

Answer: Queen Elizabeth

After she was notified that her troops' attack had failed and they were "unable to end the American Revolution," the Queen took a gun to her mouth and shot herself, falling off her throne dead.

Answer: no

Of course not! Cartman actually believed that his bigotry had saved the day:
Cartman: "Well, Bahir, I was thinking that maybe I owe you an apology."
Bahir: "Really?"
Cartman: "Yes, but then I realized that, technically, I don't because by being suspicious of you I saved your life and everyone else's. So really, you owe me an apology. But that's cool."
Kyle: "You didn't save everyone, I did! You were just out harassing Muslims!"
Cartman: "But if I hadn't called you in the first place to check out the Muslim, you would have just stayed in bed sick all day, right?"
Kyle: "...Maybe."
Cartman: "Maybe? If I hadn't called you, you wouldn't have been on your computer checking out the Clinton rally. That means my intolerance of Muslims saved America."
Kyle: "...That is so missing the point."
Cartman: "Me being a bigot stopped a nuclear bomb from going off, yes or no?"
Kyle: "Th- that's not the right way to look at it, I-"
Cartman: "Yes or no, Kyle?!"
Kyle: "No! ...Not... not like you're saying."
Cartman: "But that's all I'm saying: today, bigotry and racism saved the day. Bahir, you get this, right?"
Mr. Hakeem: "Bahir! Get away from that disgusting child! Get back home and start packing your things! We are leaving this whole intolerant country!"
Butters: "Awww."
Cartman: "Okay. Who got rid of the Muslims, huh? That was all me. Simple thank you will suffice."