"South Park" - "Cartman Sucks" Quiz

Answer: cat poop

It was Cartman's innocent version of a Dirty Sanchez. He'd also taken pictures of Butters with a tampon in his mouth, and a number that involved Cartman's bare bottom. Of course, Cartman failed to see how the homoeroticism of the pictures extended more to him than to his sleeping subject...

Answer: bi-curious

Mr. Stotch walked into Butters' room just as Cartman was sticking his penis into Butters' mouth in an attempt to "cancel out the gay polarity." Mr. Stotch was horrified, but, refusing to accept that his son was actually gay, preferred to think of him as "bi-curious." Mr. Stotch took Butters to see Father Maxi who suggested sending Butters to a camp that would "cure" Butters. Mr. Stotch considered this option: "A secluded camp where lots of bi-curious boys are all put together? That sounds like a good idea!" Butters was immediately on board, excited at the opportunity to go to camp.

Answer: hanged himself

Butters was getting the welcome tour upon arrival at camp:
Head Counselor: "Do you know why you're here at camp, Butters?"
Butters: "Because I'm bi-curious?"
Head Counselor: "That's right. Like all the campers here, you're confused. And you don't think there's a way out. But even though some people would have you believe you can't control how you feel, the truth is that with the power of Jesus Christ, you can be normal. Now, just to make sure you don't slip up while in camp, we assign every camper an accountabilibuddy. Let's meet Ryan, your accountabilibuddy. Ryan thought he could never change, but now he's learning that with the power of Christ and prayer, he can have a whole new life."
[Head Counselor opened the door to Ryan's room to reveal the boy's lifeless body hanging from a noose. Wordlessly, the counselor closed the door and continued the tour.]
Head Counselor: "Over this way, we have the cafeteria. All the meals are served there."

Answer: 1979 Sears men's underwear catalogue

The Head Counselor called the boys into his office to be reprimanded for their misbehavior:
Head Counselor: "You both do understand that we're trying to save your souls from eternal life in Hell?"
Butters: "Well, sure, I guess!"
Bradley: "Only through Christ can we cleanse our souls."
Head Counselor: "And you do know the rule, which states that no impure or immoral images are allowed to be seen by the eye?"
Butters: "Well, yeah. Sure!"
Bradley: "So let's purify ourselves from everything that makes the body or soul unclean, Corinthians Chapter 7."
Head Counselor: "Then do you mind telling us why we found this 1979 Sears men's underwear catalogue in your room."
Bradley: "That's... that's mine."
Head Counselor: "You know this is strictly forbidden!"
Butters: "I don't understand. What's wrong with underwear?"
Head Counselor: "What's wrong? This is what makes you confused! Don't you get it? This is confusing you right now, isn't it?"
[The counselor got up from his desk to wave the pages of the catalogue in Butters' face.]
Butters: "Yes, it's all very confusing!"
Head Counselor: "This is just as much your fault, Butters. Bradley is your accountabilibuddy. That makes you accountabillibuddyable. Both of you boys' behavior is jeopardizing all of the work we're doing here to save these kids!"
[A gunshot is heard.]
Head Counselor: "Oh... no. Right. For having contraband in your room, you will both do penance by writing scripture for the next four days."

Answer: no

Of course not; it's Cartman! He did, however, concoct a story to explain the picture to his mother so as to enlist her help in getting it back:
[Cartman entered the kitchen in tears.]
Mrs. Cartman: "Eric, Poopsie, what's the matter?"
Cartman: "I... don't... wanna go to school tomorrow!"
Mrs. Cartman: "Sweetie, tell Mommy what happened."
Cartman: "Kyle... has a picture of me... and he's gonna show everyone during show and tell... and, and everyone's gonna laugh at me!"
Mrs. Cartman: "Oh, now why would he do that?"
Cartman: "Because he's jealous of how much smarter I am than him. So he's gonna show everyone the picture."
Mrs. Cartman: "What is the picture of, Eric?"
Cartman: "Last time, when Butters stayed the night, I was being really nice to him, and I was gonna take a picture of him for his mom to have..."
Mrs. Cartman: "Oh, that's nice."
Cartman: "But then, right when I took the picture, Butters got really hot, so he pulled his pajama bottoms down, and then I tripped and fell down and my mouth landed right on his penis, and then I thought of something funny so I smiled up at the camera and gave, like, a thumb's up, and then Kyle took the picture from me and he's gonna show it to everybody and make them think I'm gay!"
Mrs. Cartman: "Oh, there, there, sweetie. It'll be okay. These things happen."
Cartman: "But, Mom, I've been trying to get the picture back, but he won't give it to me."
Mrs. Cartman: "It's okay, Eric. I'll have a talk with Kyle's mother."
Cartman: "You... you will?"

Answer: no

Mrs. Cartman called Mrs. Broflovski and explained, "Apparently your son has a picture of Eric with another boy's penis in his mouth." Mrs. Broflovski was understandably stunned, and evidently assured Mrs. Cartman that Kyle had no such picture. That was enough to satisfy his mother, but Cartman was convinced that the "Jews" were just lying!

Answer: jump off a bridge

Bradley ran off when he realized he was having "impure" thoughts about Butters and a counselor found him leaning off the edge of a bridge. Everyone ran to the scene and urged him not to do it, but Bradley proclaimed, "I'm an abomination of God." The Head Counselor demurred, "No, no, we're fixing you!"

Answer: photographer

He described them to the class as "very special, very artsy photographs that [he'd] taken in pursuit of being a respected photographer." He led in with a few artistic photographs before showing the damning picture.

Answer: yes

He was frustrated with everyone telling him he was confused and finally let loose with his true thoughts: "I am sick and tired of everyone telling me I'm confused! I wasn't confused until other people started telling me I was! You know what I think? I think maybe you're the ones who are confused! I'm not gonna be confused anymore just because you say I should be. My name is Butters, I'm 8 years old, I'm blood type O, and I'm bi-curious! And even that's okay, because if I'm bi-curious and I'm somehow made from God, then I figure God must be a little bi-curious himself!" The counselors were shocked, but Bradley was inspired enough to step back from the edge of the bridge and choose life.

Answer: a statement against the war in Iraq

Mrs. Garrison seemed shocked (though it's hard to imagine the photo would even phase her) and Cartman tried to explain it as "a statement against the war in Iraq. It's wrong that we still have our troops there, it's wrong!" Just then, Mr. Mackey interrupted with a message from for Cartman from his mom, telling him that she'd found the picture under his desk. All Cartman could say in response was "...Lame."