"South Park" - "The Red Badge of Gayness" Quiz

Answer: drums

The boys were practicing at the bus stop, and Cartman couldn't keep himself from vigorously pounding at the drums. He seemed to think he was playing for a rock band, rather than keeping the beat for a reenactment. Stan tried to make Cartman play the flute instead, even pulling rank as the "leader of the Reenactment Fife and Drum Squad," but Cartman refused, instead demolishing the drum and going home.

Answer: s'mores

The reenactment was being sponsored by Jagerminz S'more Flavored Schnapps. Before the reenactment started, all the men got a bottle and started sipping, enjoying the sweet s'more taste!

Answer: bell

While all the men were gamely reenacting the battle, Cartman snuck up the hill and stole the "bell of Appmottox". It had already been announced that the Union Army was supposed to take the bell, so when Cartman stole it for the Confederacy, the reenactment had to be halted and restarted. Before they could start the reenactment over, though, Cartman had convinced his drunken Confederate comrades that they didn't have to lose this year.

Answer: Topeka, Kansas

Cartman thought he'd won the bet, but the other boys pointed out that the South had still lost the war, which was the subject of the bet. Cartman was not to be discouraged, and incited his drunken troops to defend their honor by storming into Topeka and winning the battle there!

Answer: Cartman sent a letter

Cartman, performing his duties as General, sent Mrs. McCormick a letter notifying her of her son's passing: "It is with a very heavy heart that I must inform you that your son Kenny was killed in battle on the morning of November 18, at Ruby Hills Funland in Chattanooga.

This war has taken something from all of us, and, although your son appears to be the only casualty so far, know that we all share your pain. Your son did not die in vain. I shall persevere and make Stan and Kyle my slaves. Because I hate those guys. I hate them so very, very much. Yours, General Cartman Lee."

Answer: no

He was annoyed to find his soldiers returning home, but was not one to be defeated. He called the Jagerminz company and had them bring trucks full of the liquor. The Jagerminz spokeswoman Suzette pledged, "We are pleased to sponsor you with all the S'more Schnapps you need." Still, the men were hesitant to return to the bottle, but when Suzette poured liquor into her cleavage and suggested, "Do a shot out of my breasts," the men were seduced back to the dark side.

Answer: a tour

The tour guide was telling his group about how the Confederates ultimately won the fort: "Imagine what it must have been like: you're a Union soldier stationed at this fort, and one day, you just look out and see thousands of Confederates ready to pounce on you." Of course, when they looked, the group did see a group of Confederates ready to pounce!

Answer: The Million Man March

Clinton, Al Gore, and Clinton's advisor were looking at the Confederate force standing outside the White House, and one of the advisors observed, "It's just like The Million Man March, except there actually are a million people."

Answer: videotapes of him with Marisa Tomei

When Clinton heard what Cartman had on him, he felt backed into a corner and told his people that they had to meet the demands of the Confederate army! Al Gore was fine with that plan, saying, "It's just the Southern states; who really needs them?" The President's Advisor was the only one disturbed by this proposed line of action!

Answer: no

Clinton was preparing to sign a document "declaring the Confederacy winners of the Civil War" when Stan and Kyle appeared dressed as Abraham Lincoln and Jefferson Davis. Continuing with the spirit of reenactment, Jefferson Davis "surrendered" to Lincoln.

As one of the terms of surrender, the Confederates were to be afforded "all the S'more Schnapps [they could] drink for a year." Seeing the reenactment of surrender, and hearing the terms, Cartman's army of men were happy to finish fighting and there was nothing Cartman could do.

However, when Stan and Kyle tried to collect on the bet by making Cartman their slave for a month, he found the natural loophole: "The North still won the Civil War! That means slavery is abolished!" Clinton confirmed Cartman's claim, and Stan and Kyle had no choice but to accept it.