The Longest Night Trivia Quiz

Answer: A supermarket

Del, Rodney and their late granddad's brother Albert have gone shopping. Del has a date, so he is keen to get home soon. Little does he know he won't see home for some time!

Answer: Albert accidentally bumped Rodney with the trolley

At the check-out Del asks the unsmiling young lady, "Did you sue them? The charm school." She doesn't find that remark as funny. When the three Trotters are leaving the premises, Del notices the others aren't laughing. In fact they are glaring at each other. Rodney grumbles that Albert banged his shins with their trolley. Albert protests "I couldn't 'elp it. That trolley 'ad a mind of its own!" Rodney retorts, "You're sayin' it's intellectually superior to you?" Del has a good chuckle.

Answer: Tom Clarke

As Del breaks up the arguing, a strange man in a suit runs out of the building after them. He claims to be the head of security and wants "five minutes of their time". Del demands to know why, then Rodney motions a sign none of them saw before - "1000 Pounds to the 1,000,000th Customer". The three men smile and eagerly follow Tom back into the building!

Tom Clarke was also the name of one of the 1916 leaders of Dublin's Easter Rising - my three wrong choices were other leaders.

Answer: He is trying to give up smoking

As we see later on, Rodney is not able to give up.

Answer: False

Tom leads the Trotters into the manager, Mr. Peterson's, office. Poor Mr. Peterson is also a hen-pecked manager (i.e. he's arguing on the phone with the wife about money... again). Del and co. are arguing too, about which of them is the actual winner.

As Albert points out, only a single customer can be the millionth. So they're arguing about who contributed the most toward today's groceries. But as it turns out, that's not why they've been taken into Mr. Peterson's office. Peterson hangs up and explains, "The wife." Del asks "Whose?" and everyone laughs - until Tom reveals he brought them up here because they've stolen groceries. What?! They paid for them, they angrily protest! But they can't find the receipt the sulky checkout girl gave them. Uh oh. Now what?

Answer: He has a gun

When Tom returns to the supermarket floor, a cocky West Indian young man walks in. He smiles nicely to staff, sings, helps an old lady to get something, and remarks about the weather. But he also stuffs a number of items in his jacket and consumes some beer - without paying. On his way out, Tom grabs him and drags him up to the office (disbelieving the sobbing shoplifter's excuses about memory blanks), the same office where the poor Trotters are still waiting. Del has advised his family to remain calm and co-operate; if Peterson calls the police they might notice Del's jewelery and Rodney's watch. "You mean my watch is knocked off?!" hisses Rodney before Del can shut him up.

But when Tom brings in a fourth alleged thief, this one is genuine.

He pulls out a gun and yells, "Open up the safe!" Evidently he had gotten collared by security on purpose.

Answer: False

The three innocent Trotters and the staff are trembling, their hands raised. "Ain't I seen you somewhere before?" the thief asks Del. "Er, no no no," replies Del. Del does not recognize this villain. "He stays at home all the time," a terrified Rodney insists.

The gunman boasts he's so meticulous he plans everything down to the last second (but then it turns out his watch is an hour slow). He says something I can't repeat on Funtrivia, and mentions that the watch came from some feller in the market. Del turns pale and signals to his family not to mention it was probably him.

But as it turns out, that is not why he looks familiar to the gunman. Sadly, the young thief has come to the office too late. The safe always changes its combination at this time.

The gunman announces they will all have to wait till 8 in the morning. "There's about 60 grand!" he snaps. He is not planning to lose the chance to nab so much money. Albert asks, "Can't you come back first thing in the morning?"

Answer: "The Shadow"

"D'you know what the police 'ave nicknamed me?" he asks his literally captive audience. Del mutters that he has a fairly good idea, but wisely lets the thief finish. "The shadow. 'Cause I'm fast and fleeting." Del remarks that the Shadow's not exactly very fast today, having to wait till morning. Del is still desperately hoping this crazy kid doesn't remember who sold him the faulty watch. Rodney is making matters worse by continually asking for something to smoke.

Answer: Security

The highly-strung gunman is boasting about how the cops have been looking for him for years, when the phone suddenly rings. "What's that?!" he demands. The manager would have thought it was obvious; it's the phone. "I mean, who - is - it?!" growls the robber irritably. Since caller ID hasn't been invented yet, Peterson can only reply, "Well it's a little difficult to tell at this stage." Everyone is certain that it's his wife but it's just security announcing they're turning the alarms on.

The gunman is becoming more and more agitated.

This situation is not looking good; what if he squeezes the trigger by mistake?

Answer: Albert

Albert asks their "host" if he can get up and walk about; he gets a cramp in one leg. "No sudden moves," warns the holdup-man. Albert's great-nephews scoff, "Sudden moves? 'Im?" But their brave great-uncle gets up, walks around, then pretends to have a heart attack, and drops to the ground! He is annoyed that no one comes over to help, and returns to his seat in a huff.

Answer: False

It is now morning. Light is pouring through Peterson's window and everyone has nodded off. The mysterious "Shadow" is seated asleep at Peterson's desk. Then somewhere a car door slams and Tom, Peterson and the three Trotters awake. Rodney observes that the gunman is still sound asleep and tip-toes over to his desk. Everyone hisses for him to come back but he signals them to shut up.

The other men watch with bated breath. The sleeping "Shadow"'s gun is just lying there, next to his smokes. Then Rodney, taking a deep breath, lungs forward and grabs... the smokes! He holds them up in triumph. Del exclaims, "You - PLONKER!" (I think we'll all agreed that's a fair comment.) Then the robber wakes up and yells at Rodney, "What are you doing?! There's no need to steal!"

Answer: Half an hour

The villain comments that in 30 minutes he can get the money and go. "Only 'alf an hour to go. It's sad really. We might never meet again." Del comments that they could hold a reunion next year. The sound of cars arriving can be heard. Consulting his watch yet again, the robber mumbles they're arriving early; it's 4:15 a.m. "It's half-past seven!" exclaims the frustrated Tom.

The gunman curses again, wishing he knew who sold his watch in the first place. Del quickly averts his eyes. (It's possible Del might have sold the watch, but it's unlikely, considering the interesting information in the next question.)

Answer: His birthday

"I remember who you are now!" exclaims the villain, walking over to Del. Del shudders and promises a full refund for the watch. "Del Trotter! Right?" Eh? How does this armed robber know Del's name? "Don't you recognize me?" Of course not, Del reminds the lad he is the "master of disguise".

Then the not-terribly-bright thief reveals his name, the fact his mother was Del's customer years ago and her address. Now Del recognizes him. "Little Lennox Gilbey!" The two men sit down and reminisce, clearly forgetting the situation. Del asks, "What are you doing with yourself now?" Lennox is played by Vas Blackwood, who played the nutty Rory Breaker in "Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels".

Answer: Tom and Paterson

Del points out "The Shadow" is no longer a man of mystery. "Now we know your name, your address and your mother's shoe size!" Del is really disappointed in Lennox. His mother is a straight church-goer and she would be ashamed of her son if she knew. Lennox breaks down and confesses.

He's never broken the law before in his life, he just got a bit desperate. Del consoles Lennox, pointing out that Rodney's no better off than he (probably not a great comfort). Del finally talks the shattered young lad into giving up. For one thing, how is Lennox supposed to get to his getaway car past the arriving staff? Lennox kicks himself, he'd forgotten to organise a getaway car! Then Lennox angrily turns to Peterson and shouts, "You said it would be easy!" Peterson hisses, "Shut up, you fool!", giving himself away.

The three Trotters stare in astonishment. Bit by bit, they get the whole story. Tom and Peterson had arranged for Lennox to come and rob them in the first place (Peterson and Lennox met at court one day when Peterson's wife's expensive tastes had caught up with him). Tom had joined the conspiracy (and supplied Lennox's gun) because he is due to retire soon and has been offered a very low pension.

This explains how Lennox knew how much money is in the safe!

Answer: The robbery needed witnesses

Tom explains it would have looked a bit dodgy if only two financially-strapped staff members saw the robbery. They needed "independent witnesses". Del and his family are furious. Del is doubly-annoyed when he notices Lennox's gun says "Made In Taiwan" - it's only a toy! Peterson tries to defend himself, "I didn't do it purely for the money!" Albert demands, "What did you do it for then?" The manager grumbles, "Well alright, I DID" and explains his financial difficulties. "You aren't going to the police are you?" he asks. Del sighs, and shakes his head. "No... I'm gonna phone 'em instead!" The three conspirators panic but Del is only winding them up.

He has thought of a solution to everyone's predicament. Why not give Lennox Tom's job when he retires.

He'll be perfect for it! "He'll know who to watch for!" Albert adds. Then the three knackered Trotters prepare to leave, not least because a lot of their groceries need to get into a fridge - pronto. But Del whispers to Peterson, "I'm coming back to your shop this afternoon. 'Cause I've got this feeling I am gonna be your one millionth customer!" Peterson nods miserably; he has been having the same feeling.