"South Park" - "Trapped in the Closet" Quiz

Answer: at least $8

Stan didn't want to spend any money because he was saving for a new bike, and suggested they do "something fun that's free." Cartman retorted, "Stan, don't you know the first law of physics? Anything that's fun costs at least $8."

Answer: Do you like kittens and puppies?

The questions seemed ridiculous and not the least bit insightful, but at the end of the test, Brian told Stan that he was "one messed up kid" and a perfect candidate for Scientology.

Answer: taking out the trash

He was confused by the crowd of admirers in front of his house, and then a helicopter landed to deposit the President of the Church of Scientology, who told Stan that, based on his E-Meter readings, they believed he was the reincarnation of L. Ron Hubbard, their church's founder.

Answer: Leonardo DiCaprio

When Stan's parents sent him to his room to go to bed, Stan found Tom Cruise there, looking for approval:
Tom Cruise: "Haven't I done well, L. Ron? Haven't you enjoyed my acting? Which film did you like best?
Stan: "Well, I mean, you're not... you're not like as good as Leonardo DiCaprio, but you're okay, I guess."
Tom Cruise: "What?"
Stan: "I mean, you're not Gene Hackman or that guy that played Napoleon Dynamite, but you're okay."
Tom Cruise: "I'm nothing. I'm a failure in the eyes of the Prophet! Augh!"
Then Tom Cruise locked himself inside Stan's closet!

Answer: volcanoes of Hawaii

The Scientology President tried his best to explain their beliefs to Stan: "You see, Stan, there is a reason for people feeling sad and depressed. An alien reason. It all began 75 million years ago. Back then there was a galactic federation of planets which was ruled over by the evil Lord Xenu. Xenu thought his galaxy was overpopulated, and so he rounded up countless aliens from all different planets, and then had those aliens frozen.

The frozen alien bodies were loaded onto Xenu's galactic cruisers, which looked like DC-8s, except with rocket engines.

The cruisers then took the frozen alien bodies to our planet, Earth, and dumped them into the volcanoes of Hawaii. The aliens were no longer frozen, they were dead. The souls of those aliens, however, lived on, and all floated up towards the sky.

But the evil Lord Xenu had prepared for this. Xenu didn't want their souls to return! And so he built giant soul-catchers in the sky! The souls were taken to a huge soul brain-washing facility, which Xenu had also built on Earth.

There the souls were forced to watch days of brainwashing material which tricked them into believing a false reality. Xenu then released the alien souls, which roamed the earth aimlessly in a fog of confusion. At the dawn of man, the souls finally found bodies which they could grab onto. They attached themselves to all mankind, which still to this day causes all our fears, our confusions, and our problems. L. Ron Hubbard did an amazing thing telling the world this incredible truth. Now all we're asking you to do is pick up where he left off." Stan reluctantly agreed to try to continue on with L. Ron's legacy.

Answer: no

He did get Tom to open the door, but John just joined him in the closet!

Answer: $3 million

The President was shocked to hear that Stan had actually bought into the church's teachings, telling him that it was all a scam to make money. His plan had been to get Stan to put out new writings for the church members to buy, and the two of them would make $3 million!

Answer: no

He stood outside the closet singing about how Tom and John should come out, and from the other side of the door Tom and John chimed in. When R. Kelly pulled out his gun, the onlookers got scared off, but Tom or John opened the closet door. R. Kelly joined the other men in the closet, singing, "Now I'm in the closet."

Answer: toga

He was wearing his usual hat with a toga and yellow flowers on his head. It seemed a little incongruous to dress in a toga for a religion based on science fiction, but who knows...

Answer: sue him

Stan couldn't go through with it and ended up telling the crowd that he wasn't the reincarnation of L. Ron Hubbard. The entire crowd turned on him almost immediately, insisting that they'd sue him. Even Tom Cruise came down from the closet to tell Stan he was going to sue him "in England!"