"South Park" - "Bloody Mary" Trivia Quiz

Answer: Lost

They were hurrying home to catch the final episode! Unfortunately, Stan's dad, who was supposed to drive them home, was drunk from the $2 margaritas at the local bar.

Answer: no

He was successfully able to hold his arms out at his sides, but when the officer instructed him to touch his finger to his nose, Randy balked and started stumbling around with the effort. When his pants fell down (he'd forgotten to zip them up after peeing in the beer bottle while driving) the officer arrested him.

Answer: no

Stan asked Kyle and Cartman to keep it quiet because he was embarrassed about what had happened. However, when class started Mrs. Garrison called in a "motivational speaker" sent by the state to discuss the dangers of drunk driving: Randy Marsh!
Randy: "Well, uh, I'm supposed to tell you kids about how bad drinking is. I did a little drinking and driving and, as part of my punishment, I'm doing community service work at schools like these."
Mrs. Garrison: "Oh, that's very interesting, isn't it kids?"
Randy: "Uh, you shouldn't drink because it leads to bad things. I was in jail for the night, and, well, I guess, I don't know, I... Just don't drink. But if you must drink, definitely don't drive. I've definitely learned that first hand. That's all, I guess."
Mrs. Garrison: "Well, I think we've all learned an important lesson, haven't we class? If you don't make the right choices in life, you could end up being a big loser, like Stan's dad. Drinking and driving is for idiots! Nobody wants to end up like Stan's dad, do they? I want you all to take a good look at Stan's dad and say, 'Is that who I wanna be in 30 years? Getting tickets and having to go to elementary school classrooms and talk about how pathetic I am?' Thank you, Mr. Marsh. I think you made your point."

Answer: "My name's Randy, and I just really like beer."

The other meeting members weren't really satisfied with Randy's introduction and Michael, the meeting leader tried to induct Randy into the AA way:
Randy: "Uh, my name's Randy, and I just really like beer."
Bearded Man: "You have to admit you're an alcoholic."
Randy: "But... I don't know if I'm really an alcoholic."
Obese Woman: "Then why are you here?"
Randy: "Because I got a DUI, and so I'm required to attend AA meetings for two weeks. I was stupid one night and drank too much and then drove a car. That was dumb and I'm not gonna do it again."
Michael: "Randy, you are powerless to make that decision. The only thing that works is the 12-Step Program. Step 1 is admitting that you are powerless to control your drinking. Only then can you move on to the other 12 steps, like believing that only a higher power, God, makes you stop drinking, and then turning your life over to that God, and humbly asking God to remove your weaknesses."
Randy: "Wait, wait, wait, hold on. I never knew that Alcoholics Anonymous was a religious thing."
Michael: "It's not religious; you just have to admit that there's some kind of god which has power over you and turn your life over to that god and ask him for forgiveness. That's the 12-Step Program, not religion."
Randy: "Look, I... I just really need to cut down on my drinking and never drive a car drunk again."
Michael: "You can't just cut down on your drinking, Randy. You need to know something. You have a disease."
Randy: "A... a disease?"
Michael: "That's right. Alcoholism is a disease. You're sick, Randy. You're very, very sick. And just like with most diseases, you can't cure it yourself. And it's deadly."
Randy: [with sheer terror] "Oh my god."

Answer: shaved his head

He also started using "Grandpa's extra wheelchair." Stan was fed up, insisting that alcoholism wasn't a disease and his dad just needed to drink less. Randy insisted, "the only thing that will cure me... is a miracle."

Answer: cancer

Stan went to the AA meeting to chastise the members for the effect they'd had on his dad:
Stan: "Uh, excuse me? Who's in charge here?"
Michael: "None of us are in charge. We're all powerless."
AA Members: "We sure are. That's right."
Stan: "Uh, look, my dad was here yesterday and... you all kinda messed him up by telling him he had a disease."
Harry: "Alcoholism is a disease."
Stan: "No it, it's not. And you can't just go around saying stuff like that to people like my dad. He's kinda like a hypochondriac."
Fat Man: "It is a disease, because it's a physical dependency. That makes it a disease."
Stan: "No. Cancer is a disease. My dad needs to drink less."
Michael: "He can't quit by himself; none of us could. He needs divine intervention, spirituality."
Stan: "No, he just needs a-disiprin. But thanks to you people, my dad now thinks he has a disease that he can't cure himself."
Michael: "Young man, do you know anything about the 12-Step Program?"
Stan: "Yeah, and I also know a thing or two about cults; I was the leader of one for a while."
Stan was promptly kicked out of the meeting room!

Answer: yes

The Vatican sent the Cardinal to verify the miraculous nature of the statue. He put on his glasses and leaned in to closely examine the statue's bleeding rear end, and the statue sprayed a huge glob of blood all over his face. Evidently, that qualified it as a true miracle!

Answer: elephantitis

Stan was mortified that his father kept telling people about his "disease." When Mr. Garrett told Randy about his daughter's condition, Randy replied, "We are the same, she and I."

Answer: no

Just as with the Cardinal who came before him, the Pope leaned in close and got blood sprayed all over his face. However, the Pope had apparently examined the statue closely enough to determine that the source of the blood was not her butt, as originally thought, but her vagina, and he announced, "A chick bleeding out her vagina is no miracle. Chicks bleed out their vaginas all the time." Upon hearing this news, Randy and all his AA buddies promptly relapsed!

Answer: no

Stan advocated using a little self-discipline so as to enjoy alcohol in moderation:
Stan: "Dad, you like to drink, so have a drink once in a while. Have two! If you devote your whole life to completely avoiding something you like, then that thing still controls your life and... and you've never learned any discipline at all."
Randy: "But, maybe I'm just the kind of person who needs to have it all or nothing."
Stan: "No. All or nothing is easy. But learning to drink a little bit, responsibly? That's a-disiprin. Disiprin come from within."
Randy: "How did I manage to raise such a smart kid?"
Stan: "I've had a great teacher."
Randy: "Thanks, son."
Stan: "No, not you. My karate teacher. He's really smart."
Randy: "Oh."