"South Park" - "Trapper Keeper" Quiz

Answer: personal assistant

Kyle had proudly shown Stan and Kenny his 'Dawson's Creek' Trapper Keeper when Cartman walked up and outdid Kyle: "Check out my sweet 'Dawson's Creek' Trapper Keeper Ultrakeeper Futura S2000! Yeah, well, it's got ten different compartments for every subject in school, an electronic pencil sharpener, four plastic bags with electronic zippers, copy machine, fax, a better picture of 'Dawson's Creek' on the back than Kyle's, flat-screen TV, and of course, OnStar."

Answer: calculator

Cartman instructed his Trapper Keeper to "Hybrid with Wellington Bear Calculator," then the Trapper Keeper's robotic arms grabbed the calculator and embedded it into its body.

Answer: tetherball

He offered Cartman $100 to play with him, but before the game could get going Bill Cosby whipped the ball into Cartman's face, knocking him down. Then Bill grabbed the Trapper Keeper and ran off with it, despite the fact that metal spikes popped out and pierced his hands! Cartman was annoyed, but set off after Bill with his "Trapper Keeper homing device."

Answer: yes

He did so begrudgingly, finally throwing it to the ground and yelling, "Here! Take it! You want my heart as well? You'll find it on the bottom of your shoes!" The next day at school, VSM471 told the boys, "I have successfully destroyed Eric Cartman's Trapper Keeper. I broke it apart, dipped the motherboards in acid, burned the memory chips, and sent the wiring to the four corners of Canada." Unfortunately, Cartman had also gone out the previous night and replaced the Trapper Keeper.

Answer: yes

There'd been a tie but Flora finally decided to cast her vote with Ike, giving him a 7-6 win. Filmore demanded a recount, and Mr. Garrison begrudgingly performed 106 recounts, with all but two showing Ike to be victorious. Then Filmore pointed out that Carlos was absent and they insisted on waiting until he returned to school the next day so he could vote.

Answer: no

In fact, they were eager to help:
VSM471: "For the sake of humanity I have to kill him."
Kyle: "Oh. Okay."
Stan: "Yeah, that's fine... No, wait!"
VSM471: "What?"
Stan: "Can I do it?"
VSM471: "Oh, well, I suppose..."
Stan: "Sweet! Kiss your [life] goodbye, fatboy!"
VSM471: "Wait! Perhaps there is another way. If you could take me to where Eric Cartman lives, I could try reasoning with his human mother."
Stan: "Whoa. Yeah, or we could just kill him."
Kyle: "Yeah, that'd be faster."
Stan: "He's right there."
VSM471: "I'm afraid I can't. I think I'm actually starting to feel what you humons call 'compassion.' It is an amazing feeling!"
Stan and Kyle: "Awww!"

Answer: Dawson's Creek

Naturally, Cartman sang tidbits of the "Dawson's Creek" theme song to his "Dawson's Creek" Trapper Keeper! It was his own little ode to his favorite new toy.

Answer: Kyle

Kyle crawled in through a ventilation tube to attempt to remove the CPU and thereby kill the Trapper Keeper. When he got to the central core of the Trapper Keeper, Kyle found himself floating in a room of orange light, talking to Cartman in a scene straight out of "2001: A Space Odyssey":
Cartman: "What are you doing, Kyle?"
Kyle: "I'm going to try and break you away from the computer, Cartman. I need to remove the CPU."
Cartman: "I'm afraid I can't let you do that, Kyle."

Answer: Rosie O'Donnell

When the Trapper Keeper fused with Rosie O'Donnell, it turned green and started to wither. Kyle took the opportunity to break free of the Trapper Keeper's hold and pull the CPU from the wall panel, effectively killing the Trapper Keeper.

Answer: Jesse Jackson

There were already teams of lawyers for each side when Jesse Jackson arrived, declaring, "I believe the African-American students in your class were misrepresented!" Mr. Garrison dropped his head to the table, moaning, "We don't have any African-Americans in our class!" Mr. Garrison wasn't the only one exasperated with the situation, and Filmore conceded the title to Ike, hoping they could all get back to normal classroom activities.